I’m the same as most recovering addicts – the most fun I ever had nearly killed me. And while I was in the grip of my addiction, I would have told you I’d never give it up. I wasn’t an alcoholic, a tweaker, a junkie, or a woman irresistibly drawn to dangerous men. Once every three weeks, or two—or one—I drove happily to my dealer. My mouth was dry, my heart pounding joyfully. The Arizona highway wound down through dark green Ponderosa pine into pinon-juniper desert. The red-rock canyons of the Verde Valley lay off in the west. All of it—fragrant pine and juniper, glowing canyons, the sun in a huge turquoise sky—seemed prenaturally gorgeous. I sipped from my convenience store coffee, munched a stale donut, and considered it gourmet dining.

My excitement grew with each landmark that told me I was half-way there, three-quarters there, two exit ramps away. At last I turned off the highway and drove up the hill to my dealer. I loved the way the neon signs burned pastel against the bright morning light. The poem posted at the entrance to the parking lot. You’re crazy busy/no time for fun. Come play with us.You could be the One. It had been written by an employee. I loved the marketing-crafted illusion that we were all in this together.

It was about a block from my car to the big smoked glass doors of the little casino. Most late mornings, I walked in ninety or a hundred degree heat, so by the time I pushed through those doors into the cool and faintly smoky air of the main gambling room, I felt as though I had walked into heaven. The Security Guard greeted me by name. I waved back and raced for the ATM. By the end of my gambling addiction career, I’d visit that ATM four to eight times on a typical visit. I’d often find myself broke by 11 p.m., over my withdrawal limit and frantic for the hour to pass until I could draw out more money.
This morning, as I write my introduction to you, I can’t remember the knot in my gut when the ATM said “exceeded daily limit” or how I paced the midnight parking lot, trying to make myself bask in the desert night—that sweet amalgam of brilliant sky and juniper perfume and blessedly cool air I had once so treasured. All I can remember is the calm rush of seeing two hundred dollars in twenties slide out of the ATM and the bounce in my step as I headed back to my favorite slot machine.

That is the nature of gambling addiction. More than any other type of addict or alcoholic, we live with what treatment professionals have named euphoric recall. Most of us can only remember the good times. And when we remember the neon, the jackpots, the feeling that no one or no thing could penetrate the buzz that filled us when we sat at our favorite slot machine, the neurochemistry of our brains reacts exactly as it did when we pushed through those big smoked glass doors into "heaven." And so, the recidivism rate for gambling addicts is higher than for any other addiction—as is the suicide rate.

I’ve been clean nearly a year. Only as clean time has mounted up have I been able to look back and see the damage my gambling addiction wreaked—to my financial security, to my friendships, to my brain, and my life. In these blog entries, I’ll share what I have learned—not just from living through one of the harshest withdrawals known to addicts, but from the year of research I did for my new book, She Bets Her Life: A True Story of Gambling Addiction. Writing SBHL was in itself part of my ongoing recovery. I wrote the book because at the time I began it, I’d been unable to find one like it—a book that speaks directly to the woman gambling addict and to her partner, friends, and family—and offers practical help.

I cannot separate myself from my addiction. I learned that the hard way. I cannot separate myself from my writing. It is my medicine, my lifeline, and my offering to my communities—my circle of family, my circle of writing colleagues, my circles of sister and fellow gambling addicts and the circles of worried and baffled partners, friends, and families of those of us caught in the prison of pathological gambling. Writing has brought me hope. May my words bring the same to you.

Compulsive Gambling: One Woman’s Struggle is a post from: Drug Addiction Treatment

• Do you gamble as a means of escape?
• Have you ever resorted to stealing in order to finance your gambling?
• Do you gamble even when you don’t have any money?
• Do you use money intended to pay bills in order to gamble?
• Do you gamble every day?
• Are you losing sleep over your gambling losses?
• Has your relationship with your spouse been negatively affected by your gambling?
• Are you depressed over your gambling?
• Do you gamble with the hope of striking it rich?
• Do you gamble after an argument, when you are anxious, frustrated or depressed?
• Does gambling give you a rush when you win?
• Do you continue to gamble, even when you lose big and keep losing, in order to achieve that rush?
• Have you borrowed money from friends and family to gamble by telling them it was for something else?
• Have you ever taken out a loan to finance your gambling, pay off your gambling losses?
• Have you used money you borrowed that was intended to pay off your gambling debts and instead used it to continue gambling?
• Have you ever entertained the thought of doing something illegal in order to get money to gamble?
• Have you sold your possessions – or those of your spouse and/or family – in order to get money to gamble?
• Do you ever feel regret after you’ve been gambling?
• Is your reputation tarnished as a result of your gambling?
• Do you lose track of time while you are gambling?
• Is your gambling jeopardizing your job?
• Have you lost time at work due to absences or lateness?
• Is your gambling affecting your ability to take care of your responsibilities at home, at work, with friends?
• Have others told you that you have a problem with gambling or that you are addicted to gambling?
• Do you use any excuse to gamble, to celebrate – “Let’s go to the casino,” – to put yourself in a better mood, you deserve it, etc.?
• Do you gamble to escape your worries, stress or problems?
• Do you feel justified in gambling?
• Do you make excuses for your gambling losses?
• Does your life revolve around gambling to the extent that it’s all you want to do every day?
• Have you lost all sense of ambition, getting ahead with your job, moving forward with your family?
• Are you unable to enjoy normal family life because of your gambling?
• Have you become so depressed over your gambling or gaming losses that you’ve considered suicide?

The above questions have been adapted from several sources, including the California Department of Drug and Alcohol Problems, Problem Gambling Services from the State of Connecticut’s Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services, and Gamblers Anonymous. These questions have been developed by experts as a screening method to help identify problem gambling and gambling addiction. They have been expanded upon here a bit for clarity. If you answered yes to more than 7 of the questions, however, it indicates you may have a serious problem with gambling. The more questions you answered yes to, the greater the severity of the problem, even to the point of addiction.

You’re Not Alone

According to statistics available from the National Council on Problem Gambling, an estimated 2 million U.S. adults each year meet the criteria for pathological gambling. Another 4 to 6 million U.S. adults could be considered problem gamblers – that is that they don’t meet the criteria for pathological gambling but gambling is causing significant problems in their lives.
It should be noted that most Americans are able to responsibly gamble. In fact, about 85 percent of U.S. adults have gambled at least once in their lives, and 60 percent have gambled during the past year. In the U.S. only two states have no legalized gambling – Hawaii and Utah. All other 48 states plus the District of Columbia have legalized gambling.

Remember that it isn’t the amount of money that determines whether or not you are a problem gambler, it’s when your gambling interferes with, disrupts or destroys your personal, family or vocational pursuits. It’s more than a financial problem. It’s an emotional problem in that you are obsessive and feel compelled to gamble.

What You Can Do About Compulsive Gambling

The first step is one you have already taken. By answering the questions honestly, you have a good idea about the nature and severity of your gambling problem. You recognize that there is something wrong, and you’ve just confirmed it. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’re doomed to continue on this self-destructive path. There is help available.

In California, you can contact 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) for help with gambling problems. There’s also a 24-hour helpline available through the National Council on Problem Gambling at 1-800-522-4700 and many resources available through their website at http://www.ncpgambling.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=1.

There’s also help available through Gamblers Anonymous at 1-888-GA-HELPS (1-888-424-3577) or visit their website at http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ for links and help finding 12-step meetings in your area.

You may also consider getting inpatient or residential treatment at a licensed and credentialed facility that specializes in treating gambling addiction. In California, be sure that the facility’s staff includes a California Certified Gambling Counselor, and that the center offers credentialed care for the compulsive gambler. Access to Gamblers Anonymous meetings is also recommended as part of the treatment and recovery process.

Act Now

In the end, no one can force you to quit gambling and get help. But the fact that you are reading this article means that you, or someone you love or care about, have a problem with gambling. Recognizing that a problem exists is a big step. Doing something about it is the next important step. Don’t allow gambling to wreak havoc on all that you hold dear. An obsession with gambling, problem gambling, or a gambling addiction can be overcome. It will take work, there’s no getting around that. The gambler needs to learn why they gamble, and to develop coping skills and techniques to overcome the compulsion to gamble. Attendance and participation in support group meetings will also be required in order to maintain recovery following treatment.

Whether you get help by calling a referral hotline, going to 12-Step Gamblers Anonymous meetings, go into inpatient or residential treatment, the best thing that you can do for yourself is to act now. You can free yourself from this impulse-control disorder. Throw off the shackles of your gambling obsession. Do it today.
 

Are You a Compulsive Gambler? is a post from: Drug Addiction Treatment