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How To Get Your Life Back In Recovery from Addiction

Posted on July 29, 2010 in Recovery

One of the most worrisome aspects of completing addiction treatment and going into recovery is the thought that you may not be able to get your life back. With all the coping mechanisms and knowledge about your addiction fresh in your head, you wonder if your life will be anything other than a dreary and monotonous routine of attending meetings, avoiding people, places and things that trigger using, and leading a nondescript and boring existence. It is true that your new life of sobriety requires careful structure and maintenance. The good news, however, is that you can get your life back in recovery. Here are some tips to help you get there.

Set Your Resolve

You know all about making a decision that may be the toughest one you’ve ever made in your life. You went through that process before you went into treatment. It took a lot of courage – some would say guts – to admit you had a problem and accept treatment. Your genuine commitment to achieving sobriety is a testament to your ability to set your resolve.

Now that you’re in early recovery, you need to set your resolve again. This time, however, you’re resolving to do something positive with your life. To begin with, you only need to instill this thought in your mind. You resolve that you will put forth your best effort to achieve the kind of future that you decide is the path you want to follow. Included and inherent in this resolve is the type of lifestyle that embodies clean and sober living.

Resolve too that you will seek to find the answers to questions that may appear too difficult. Resolve that you will not cave at the first sign of difficulty, or when your emotions threaten to do you in and cause you to relapse. Resolve that you will seek help and support when you need it, instead of being too proud or afraid to ask.

Define Your Goals

Now that you’ve resolved that you will do something positive with your life, you need to define your goals. Having a future that you chart for yourself is probably something that you gave up on long ago, believing that you were somehow unworthy or that anything you really wanted was impossible. Now that you’ve overcome your addiction and are in early recovery is the perfect time to re-examine long-buried hopes and dreams. Resurrect those childhood scenarios of the future when you imagined yourself trekking off to the Himalayas or discovering a cure for cancer or becoming a dancer or having your own business or… You get the idea. Dust off the cobwebs from your childhood dreams and see if there’s something there that you can or want to build on now.

While you’re looking at the kaleidoscope of possibilities running through your mind, jot down on paper anything that jumps out at you as something really exciting or that has promise. It doesn’t matter at this point if it’s only a passing thought. If it intrigues you, that’s something to look closer at later on. Right now, you’re just capturing the essence of what interests you.

For some, defining goals is all about making statements about what they want to achieve in a certain time period. Goals can be short-term or long-term or anywhere in between. In fact, it’s always good to have a mix of both. Short-term goals can be interim steps in pursuit of long-term goals. If your goal is to obtain a college degree, for example, short-term goals would include successful completion of individual classes, semesters and years. Goals can be tangible, such as the purchase of a home, or intangible, such as the satisfaction and love of having children and caring for your family.

Getting your life back in recovery necessitates defining your goals. You can’t move forward with any sense of resolve or purpose if you don’t have goals. So, set your mind to it now and write down your goals.

Make a Plan

Now that you have a few goals written on paper (or in a computerized document), you need to do some more work to help you jumpstart your journey to achieving them. This entails making a plan.

You will need a plan for each of your goals and some plans will be more involved and detailed than others. If your goal is to buy a house, your plan would include accumulating sufficient savings for a down payment, applying for and obtaining a home loan, making an offer to purchase a home, going through the mortgage process all the way through closing, and finally moving into your home. Each step along the way toward achievement of your goal involves following a plan. Much research and hard work will likely be required. Again, some goals will involve more work and take longer to achieve than others.

It isn’t necessary when you begin making your plan that you have all the answers. No one ever does. But when you do think of points that pertain to your plan, jot them down.

Take Action on the Plan

If you make your plan but never take any action, it’s a little like the greatest story never told. But more than that, if you fail to act on your plan, you’ll fall into the trap of never getting your life back in recovery.

Having a plan implies that you do something with the plan. You need to act on it. Your plan to get a college degree (undergraduate or graduate) means you need to enroll in college, obtain financial aid, if necessary, sign up for classes, buy textbooks and other required course materials, attend classes, do homework assignments, take exams, and keep going for each semester.

It’s important to note here that follow-through is critical to the success of any plan. Being in recovery, you know that staying on top of your schedule is something you need to pay attention to.

Along with taking action on your plan, be sure to factor in your recovery needs as well. You don’t want to get so involved in plans and goals that you neglect the important steps in your recovery. In fact, your recovery needs very much to be a part of your action plan, since your overarching goal is sustained recovery. A recovery plan is probably something you worked on in the final phase of your active treatment. Most recovery plans include regular attendance at 12-step group meetings. Make sure you adequately parcel out your time so that you always have room in your schedule for your 12-step meetings. This is one of the most effective ways to help you get your life back in recovery.

Network Like Crazy

With your accumulated knowledge about your addiction and knowing that you have to steer clear of people, places and things that prompt you to use, you’ve no doubt already moved away from problematic relationships. Loneliness in early recovery can be a particularly troublesome emotion. The only way to guard against loneliness – which can easily sabotage recovery – is to make new friends. How you make new friends is to network like crazy.

Start with your 12-step group meetings. There are many different group meetings that you can attend, and there’s nothing that says you can’t attend as many as you like. In fact, until you find a particular group where you feel most comfortable, you’ll probably switch around your meeting attendance quite a bit. Eventually, you’ll settle on one meeting group and this one will become your “home” location, the one you return to weekly – no matter how many other meetings you attend elsewhere. In your home group or the other groups, there are countless people with whom you may find you share things in common.
Acquaintances may become friends. Even if you just listen to the stories of other group members, you may find that you learn something that can help you – in your sobriety, to overcome emotional difficulties, something that pertains to your plan or goals.
Your 12-step sponsor can really prove useful to you throughout your early recovery when you are in the process of getting your life back. Bounce ideas off your sponsor. Ask for feedback. Your sponsor will provide the kind of support and encouragement that you can’t get anywhere else.

Other areas to network include school, work, and recreational and sports venues. As you pursue your goals and carry out your plan, you will come into contact with dozens of people. This offers you endless opportunities to widen your circle of friends. Your expanding network may even lead to additional avenues with respect to your long-term goals.

Get Out and Socialize

Beyond networking, it’s important that you take time to socialize. This is being with friends for the pure sake of enjoyment. It’s not about finding someone who can help you get a promotion, or secure a better interest rate on a loan. You need to exchange conversation and laughter in the normal course of human interaction.

Some individuals in early recovery retreat into a self-imposed isolation, thinking that they need to punish themselves for their past misdeeds. They may also feel that they need to hide themselves away for fear that they may not be able to withstand the temptations of being out in society. Both are ineffective. While residual guilt, shame and remorse may still be prevalent, it’s important that you work through these negative emotions. Do so with your counselor and 12-step sponsor. But do get out and be with friends. Don’t let the fact that you’re a bit rusty hanging out with others who aren’t drinking or using keep you from making the attempt. It will get easier the more often you do it. And who says you have to be the most scintillating conversationalist? Just be yourself. Put your best foot forward. Be open and honest (but don’t spill your guts about your past to every person you meet) and the rest will fall into place naturally.

Pay Attention to Family

Your most important allies – next to your 12-step sponsor and fellow group attendees – are your family members. Perhaps your addiction led to strained relationships with one or more family members, or you may feel saddled with guilt over the pain you’ve caused a partner, children, or others in your close family. Part of your plan to get your life back in recovery has to involve rebuilding these critical relationships.

Even if your family stuck by you through your darkest days of addiction and through treatment, they still need – and deserve – your love and presence in your recovery. Now, in fact, is the most appropriate time to begin to share with them how much their support and encouragement has meant to you. You’d be surprised at how important this kind of acknowledgement can be when expressed to those who love you and whom you love.

After your own needs in recovery, your family should come first. Always pay attention to family. It is another essential part of getting your life back in recovery.

Analyze Achievements

As you move along with your plan, coincident with working your 12-steps in recovery, take some time periodically to analyze how far you’ve come. Look at the achievements you’ve made in the past 3, 6, and 9 months. In terms of your sobriety, attaining your 30-day, 3-month, and 6-month chips, and one-year medallion are terrific achievements that should be high on your list.

Refine Your Plan as Necessary

You may find that you’ve discovered a niche area where you’ve excelled, despite having no prior realization that this was something that really interested you. Being tops in your class in foreign languages or math or science, for example, may lead you to want to pursue other classes in this area. You may even wish to change your major, or add this new field of study as a minor.

Things happen in the pursuit of goals that require alteration of plans. Some goals open up new avenues that may prove more desirable.

Be flexible enough to modify and refine your plan as necessary. Remember that recovery is a lifelong journey. How you get there is very much a matter of being true to yourself and following your dreams. If that means altering your course to include discovery of new things, then that’s all the better. It means you are in charge of your life and firmly rooted in recovery.

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Recovery Is Possible For Young People Who Are Addicted

Posted on June 16, 2010 in Recovery

With an estimated 10 million young people addicted to alcohol or substances, according to recent data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), it may be logical to conclude that America’s future is in peril. It is true that addicts who do not get treatment are likely to not only remain addicted, but to get progressively worse. And many young people don’t get treatment for a variety of reasons, not the least of which are stigma, cost, fear, lack of access, and length of time required. Some express fears that treatment won’t do any good. But hidden among statistics is the very real story that recovery is possible for young people who are addicted.

Addiction Starts Early

Research shows that the earlier a person is introduced to harmful substances such as alcohol and drugs, the greater the likelihood that they will experience problems such as dependence and addiction later in life. Armed with statistical data from numerous governmental sources, the very real concern is that young people are starting to accelerate drinking and drug use earlier than they have in the past.

While psychologists, researchers, and treatment professionals debate the many and varied causes of addiction (genetics, family history, environment, peer pressure, curiosity, and so on), the fact is that availability of alcohol and drugs in society today makes it too easy for young people to get their hands on harmful substances. Kids being kids, they’re incredibly tempted to try something new – even if that something is bad for them.

It starts early, and usually with inhalants. Studies show that inhalants are often the first drugs that children experiment with. Inhalant abuse, called huffing, involves behavior where the child inhales deeply, gets high, and continues the habit. Doing crafts, painting, getting involved in various school projects, the child comes into contact with glues, spray paints, aerosols, markers, whiteout, polish and polish removers, keyboard cleaners, and other products. They may like the smell and initiate use on their own, or they and may imitate their friends who engage in huffing.

Inhalant use usually starts by age 13 and peaks by the 8th grade (age 17). The National Institute on Drug Abuse published data from a study which found that 17.3 percent of 8th graders have abused inhalants before. Inhalants are also now considered a gateway drug to other types of drug use.

In contrast, use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, ecstasy, and other drugs usually peaks by the 12th grade.

For many young people, however, the drugs of choice fall in the following order:

• Alcohol – Most young people who do use substances use alcohol.
• Marijuana – Running a close second to alcohol, marijuana use is high among young people.
• Prescription drugs used nonmedically – This is the most rapidly-growing segment of new use with high and increasing numbers of new users coming into the treatment system that used prescription drugs they obtained from relatives or friends.

Factors That Put Youth at Risk

Various factors put our nation’s youth at risk for using substances. These include:

• Underlying mental health issues
• Environmental factors, especially in a community where drug use is highly supported
• Drug use in the home by other family members

Why Young People Use Drugs

A typical scenario of a young person’s introduction to drug use may go something like this. Being around friends and/or family members who consume alcohol and finding it readily available, the adolescent – around age 13 or 14 – starts to drink. He or she thinks it makes him or her feel accepted, a part of a peer group, or believes that it helps alleviate anxiety, fear, and to deal with issues of fitting in. Next, the young person gravitates toward marijuana, which is typically easier to obtain than alcohol when a person starts developing a habit. Many young people find marijuana stashes in their parents’ cabinets and drawers at home, and it’s inexpensive enough to get among their friends who may have a dealer. Pretty soon, drinking and drugging becomes a normal way of life for the young person, who may develop an addiction to one or more of these substances.

Delving into heavier pharmaceutical drugs – prescription drugs and opiates (painkillers) used nonmedically – will ultimately result in negative consequences. The young person may become involved in accidents, fights, get arrested for driving under the influence (DUI), start failing in school or have other school-related problems. Medical health issues may start to surface or get worse, exacerbated by drug and alcohol use.

Often, parents don’t have a clue that their son or daughter is using and abusing drugs and alcohol – until it’s nearly too late.

What Parents Should Look For

Parents need to pay attention to what’s going on in the lives of their children. First of all, parents are the primary influence on the attitudes and behaviors of their children. If parents drink and do drugs – or express tacit or unspoken approval of such behavior in others – they can expect that their children will adopt the same types of attitudes and beliefs.

If their son or daughter starts hanging around with a different group of friends at age 15 or 16 than the ones they’ve had since they were pre-teen (around age 10 or so), this should be a clear sign that something is going on that may be a concern.
Addiction counselors who treat young people also recommend that parents go into their children’s bedrooms and take stock of what’s there. Look for drug paraphernalia, check to see what’s changed in the rooms. What kind of change should parents look for? If your child was formerly conscientious about picking up and making the bed, for example, and now the bedroom is a veritable pig-sty filled with food debris and other detritus, this is one sign that something may be awry. What would cause a child who prizes neatness and cleanliness to suddenly become careless about his or her surroundings?

Without being overtly nosy or acting suspiciously, parents should listen to what their children are saying to their friends, on the phone and in the house or elsewhere. Is their son or daughter becoming paranoid or secretive about their computer use? One solution is to remove computers from the child’s bedroom and keep it in a room where the family congregates. There’s less likely to be inappropriate computer activity in an area with mom and dad and other siblings nearby.

Protective Factors to Help Keep Children from Using Drugs

When children are very young and begin school, parents are often involved in their activities at school and outside the home. They may attend parent-teacher meetings, or go to their child’s dance recitals, science fairs, and school concerts through elementary school. By the time the child reaches junior or senior high, however, many parents feel the teachers are better equipped to handle whatever needs their child has, or the parents’ lives are too busy to continue active participation, or they think their child no longer needs such support. Look around at high school sports events and concerts and very few parents are in attendance.

In the community, parents should watch out for their own children as well as the children of others. Never let your child come home alone from school, day after day. If parents can’t physically pick up or meet their child getting out of school, arrange for someone else to do so – someone trusted. There are also after-school programs and programs at community centers between the hours of 3:00 and 7:00 p.m. that can provide healthy activities for children. It’s during these hours that children who are left to their own devices frequently get into trouble.

What Parents Can Do When They Discover their Child is Using Drugs

First of all, parents shouldn’t engage in denial over their child’s drug use. Avoid thinking that drug and alcohol use can’t be going on in your own home, right under your eyes, or thinking that it couldn’t possibly happen to your son or daughter. It does happen, and all the time. Statistically speaking, adolescents experience drugs and alcohol in one form or another, having been exposed to it at school, through friends, family members, or others.

When parents find out their child is using drugs or alcohol, there are two typical scenarios. One scenario is that there’s an open line of communication in the family and parents immediately try to address the issue with their children. Another is that parents dish out punishment and feel they’re done with the problem. Obviously, the punish-and-forget-it tactic is less effective. This is not to say that there shouldn’t be consequences for drug and alcohol use. There definitely should be appropriate discipline for repeated infractions. But punishment alone will not solve the problem. It may even make it worse.

Even with open lines of communication – such as the safety call home if a child calls the parents from a party and requests to be picked up – children may not want to tell their parents about their drug or alcohol use. They may fear getting grounded or loss of privileges (the appropriate disciplinary tactics), or they may not want to disappoint their parents. Still, parents need to encourage their children to talk with them openly about their feelings, what’s going on that trouble them, and parents also need to listen without being judgmental and critical when their children do confide in them. While this won’t solve problems, it does pave the way for the family together to work on solutions to the problems.

Treatment Programs and Services for Addicted Youth

Treatment facilities that specialize in providing programs and services for addicted youth are the best bet for getting help for young people with problems of drug and alcohol use. Parents and concerned others should look for facilities that treat adolescents and young adults, and that offer a full range of services. These services should include some or all of the following:

• Comprehensive assessment
• Personalized treatment program
• Gender-specific treatment available
• Evidence-based treatment (such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT)
• Substance abuse counseling
• Mental health therapy
• Psychiatric treatment
• Educational programming
• Medical treatment with appropriate professionals (pediatricians, etc.)
• Family therapy
• Working with young people on an in-patient and outpatient level
• Use of different approaches tailored to young people’s needs

Ideally, during the active treatment phase, the young person in treatment can learn to look at things in his or her behavior that needs changing and begin to work on those issues. Key components of treatment include identifying triggers to using, developing healthy coping mechanisms to use when feelings of anger, fear, sadness, and stress occur, and talking with others in a supportive environment conducive to healing.

A huge part of recovery for addicted young people comes about as a result of their interaction with other addicted youth in treatment. A young person may become so practiced at denial and self-justification that he or she can say anything to parrot what they think a therapist or counselor wants to hear. But when young people talk about their problems and issues in group therapy, it’s hard to pull the wool over the eyes of their peers. These young people have built-in radar that instantly identifies truth from falsehood. They call each other on their self-denial.

Recovery Schools are Another Option

The option of a recovery school may be the most appropriate form of treatment for addicted young people. These are schools that offer academic and recovery support for addicted young people and they are becoming more widely available. Currently there are recovery schools in 8 states and collegiate recovery schools in 9 states.

Recovery schools can provide the academic support for young people in early recovery, and help them to make the transition into long-term and sustainable recovery. Embedded support, such as coaching for subjects the student may have been failing in, mental health support, support for addiction recovery, relapse prevention support – all these are essential to help the young person reduce the number of days using and increase long-term abstinence from alcohol and/or drugs.

Recovery Requires Family Support

Successful recovery for an addicted young person is heavily dependent on family participation throughout the process, whether the child attends a treatment facility only or a concurrent or subsequent recovery school. Research shows that young people who have strong family involvement and support have higher rates of recovery those whose families do not participate.
What many parents fail to understand or acknowledge is that there is a great deal of shame and guilt over the fact that their child uses alcohol or drugs. They can try to deny it or sweep it away, but the feelings are still there. And they fester if they’re not dealt with. Treatment professionals say that addiction is a family disease. What this means is that it isn’t just the addict that suffers. Everyone in the family suffers as a result of addiction by one or more family members.

In the family component of treatment, family members learn about addiction. They learn that they are not the cause of their child’s addiction and there is no fault or blame that should be passed around. During family treatment, parents and other siblings learn how their behaviors and attitudes can be changed to be more conducive to their child in recovery. Healing the entire family is the objective of family therapy – but principally to allow them to be effective in providing support and encouragement to their child in recovery.

Community Coalitions Offer Important Support

Another area where parents can find support is through community coalitions. There are over 1,000 such community coalitions in the U.S. today, about a handful in each state. These coalitions consist of people in a community coming together for a common goal. The purpose of these community coalitions is to help connect people to services, to help restrict the availability of drugs and alcohol in the community, to strengthen laws and policies and to ensure enforcement.

How do you find community coalitions? Go to your state’s office of behavioral health, alcohol and drugs, or mental health and obtain a listing of community coalitions.

The Road to Recovery Begins with the First Step

Recovery is possible for young people who are addicted. It is often a difficult and painful decision for parents to make to get their child into treatment and to follow through by becoming educated themselves so they can be fully participating in their child’s recovery efforts, but the results are well worth it. Instead of ruined lives, young people who are addicted who get treatment and have the benefit of family support can go on to realize a life filled with hope and promise.

While they may go into treatment because their parents demanded it, if they fully commit to the program and see it through, they have every chance of experiencing a successful recovery.

No, recovery won’t happen overnight. It will take time, dedication, and a lot of hard work. But recovery is possible. The sooner treatment begins, the sooner recovery can get underway.

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What To Do When Cravings Resurface

Posted on May 27, 2010 in Recovery

If you’ve been going along in recovery for quite some time, you probably feel secure in how well you’re able to handle whatever life throws at you. That’s a good thing, and a sense of self-confidence that all addicts in recovery strive for. Then, let’s say, out of the blue, you’re hit with an urge that’s so overwhelming, so powerful, that you feel like you’ve been slammed in the gut. You don’t know what hit you. Worst of all, you feel powerless to stop it. Here’s what to do when cravings resurface.

Don’t Panic

First and foremost, don’t panic. While it’s natural to feel upset – since you’ve been doing so well for so long – you can’t let it get to you. Cravings are insidious. Just when you think these urges are long past and no more a threat to you than being struck by lightning, they rear up and shatter your composure. The key to dealing with cravings that come out of the blue is to recognize that it’s happening, but that you’re not going to let it cause you to do something to undermine your recovery. Instead of panic, replace those feelings with self-confidence. You’ve come a long way. You’ve dealt with cravings before. You’ll do it again.

Assess the Situation

Take a look at what immediately preceded the onset of the cravings. Were you involved in an activity or around people who may have served as triggers? Did you see something on TV, or pass billboard advertising, or hear sounds that jumpstarted the urge? Was there an argument at home with your spouse or family member? Have you been stressed at work, suffering from medical problems, or overwhelmed by financial or other burdens? Have you recently experienced an emotional setback, physical trauma? Did you recently lose a loved one or become estranged from a relationship?

While a single one of these may not cause a resurfacing of cravings, a combination of them may, indeed, bring them on. You never really know for sure, but by analyzing what transpired just before the cravings occurred, you’ll get a better handle on what to do about them.

Look at Your Strategies

Remember, way back in the past, how you used to deal with urges and cravings? You probably still have some of the strategies written down or in a handbook somewhere. Drag it out and go over your list. See what worked the best for you then. Maybe you can utilize some of them now. Coping mechanisms that worked right after treatment may need to be beefed up or altered to take into account your circumstances now. Or, conversely, simple coping mechanisms that once worked may work just as well now.
Perhaps you allowed yourself to get a little lazy. You may have put yourself in the position of being around drinkers or users, thinking that you could handle it, since it had been so long since you used. Now you know that was a mistake. It’s time to get back on the self-discipline track in order to stay on the clean and sober path.

Enlist the Support of Your Network

This is what your 12-step support group is all about. Your sponsor and fellow group members have all pledged to help each other and themselves in time of need. Call on your sponsor as the most appropriate person to counsel you – or listen to your story – and talk with other group members as you feel appropriate. They’ve all been in this situation before. Some of them have been through cravings and urges on many occasions. Certainly, there’s strength in numbers. The group support and encouragement may be all you need to weather this unexpected return of cravings.

While you’re getting yourself back into your comfort zone of being able to deal with cravings, you may want to attend a few more meetings than you normally would. If you’ve been in recovery for several years, you may have stepped down your participation. Maybe consider going back once or twice a week for the time being.

Get Out of the House

Alone time isn’t the best way to deal with cravings and urges. Don’t sit at home and stew about what’s going on in your head. Get out and be with friends (sober ones). Do something physical that gets your adrenalin going naturally, such as competitive sports, a workout, running, or a recreational activity that you do with a group, like whitewater rafting.
You can also involve yourself in purely social activities. Take a friend out to dinner or go to see a movie, play, or sporting event with one or more friends.

Stimulate Your Mind

Another suggestion is to stimulate your mind with intellectual or artistic pursuits. Work on problem-solving, or do cross-word puzzles. Take a class or learn a hobby. Go to the art museum. Read or do some creative writing.

While you are immersing yourself in something that engages your mind, you won’t have room for thinking about cravings and urges. You could call it distraction, but the fact of the matter is that it works for many in recovery who are dealing with the resurgence of cravings.

Review Your Recovery Goals and Progress

For some in recovery, a review of recovery goals and progress is enough to quell the cravings. Looking at the overarching goal of sobriety – and the reasons why you want to remain clean and sober – may be sufficient to get your mind off the cravings long enough so that you don’t give into them.

How far have you come in reaching your short- and long-term goals? Look at each of them that you have achieved, and recall the pride you felt when you reached those goals. These were likely very personal and, therefore, very valuable goals to you. They involved a lot of effort and time. Some were hard-won, and some of those you may have felt were nearly impossible to achieve. But you did it. You can overcome these Johnny-come-lately cravings. They don’t matter in the scheme of things. You’ve conquered many difficulties getting to your current state of recovery. You will be successful in overcoming these cravings as well.

List the Pros and Cons

If you still need more ammunition for dealing with these recalcitrant cravings, make a list of the pros and cons of giving into them. What would happen if you take that drink, shoot that line, pop those pills, go to the casino, pick up the stranger for sex? Will you suffer physically, emotionally, lose family or friends, court financial or legal ruin, lose your job? The more graphic and vivid and catastrophic the potential consequences that you can imagine and write down, the better the deterrent to actually saying yes to the cravings.

What will you gain if you say yes to the cravings? Will it be a few hours of nirvana, a semi-fleeting state of floating, a feeling of being back in the action? Will it be worth it? Will you fall back into your hard-core addiction? Will you be able to stop? How much more difficult will it be to come back this time? Do you really want to take that chance?

Usually, looking at the pros and cons will pretty quickly convince you that giving into the cravings is a decidedly unwise move. Still, you may need to utilize some of the previously-mentioned strategies to help get you past the moment.

Imagine Someone Else Voicing the Same Cravings

Another technique that may work is to imagine someone else – someone very close to you – voicing the same desire to give in to the cravings. What would you say or do to help that person overcome the urge to give in? Marshal your arguments and talk to yourself in the same way that you would to that individual.

Allow Time to Pass

Recovery counselors say that most cravings will pass within about 20 minutes. If you can make it through this period, you should be okay. The trick is to devise and utilize all your aforementioned successful coping mechanisms or strategies to allow you to successfully navigate this admittedly confounding sense of compulsion and come out on the other side feeling whole again and craving-free.

Some people find counting exercises helpful. Or, try reciting the alphabet forwards and backwards. Read a mystery novel aloud. Rearrange the garage, kitchen, scrub toilets or paint the walls. Do whatever it takes to work through that 20 minutes to half-hour. While your mind and body are otherwise occupied, the cravings will tend to dissipate.

Keep Boredom at Bay

You may remember the saying, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” This could easily be applied to the circumstance where you are bored and cravings pop into your head. When you’re bored, your mind becomes restless. You seek stimulation, action, something to get out of this state of inactivity.

The solution may very well be to plunge into a new activity. You already know that when you’re actively involved in pursuing something you enjoy, your mind will be fully engaged – and not prone to giving into craving temptations.

Keeping boredom at bay may mean scheduling your days and nights so that there are plenty of activities to occupy your time. Of course, you need to rest. But put in a full day’s worth of activities – some physical, some mental – so that you never need to worry about boredom setting in.

Learn How to Relax

Anger, stress, frustration, anxiety, depression – these are powerful triggers that may cause cravings to resurface. How do you deal with these emotions so that you can curtail cravings? One way is to learn how to relax. Relaxation techniques are many and varied and include meditation, yoga, Pilates, massage, prayer, biofeedback, and deep breathing exercises, among others.
Learning how to relax also gives you the opportunity to take a class and get involved with a new set of acquaintances – who may become friends. You may need training in order to become familiar with the poses or techniques or breathing patterns of the particular form of relaxation. This is a great way to utilize several of your coping strategies: get out of the house, be with people, be active, and learn how to relax.

Consider Medication

If all else fails, you may want to talk with your doctor about a prescription to help with factors that may be contributing to your emotional state and the subsequent cravings. You may be prescribed antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication. If necessary, and prescribed by your physician, perhaps an anti-craving medication or, in the case of nicotine addiction, a nicotine vaccine (NicVAX), when it is approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Currently, NicVAX, from Nabi Pharmaceuticals, is in Phase III FDA clinical testing as an aid to smoking cessation and long-term abstinence.

Additional Behavior Modification Therapy

You may consider brush-up or additional cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) to help re-structure your behavior to ensure healthier behavior. CBT has been proven to help addicts in recovery to strengthen their coping mechanisms and learn better ways to address cravings and urges.

Combo Strategies or Finding Something Different

Reading through the strategies mentioned above may cause you to wonder if any of them will really work for you. It’s quite possible, for example, that relaxing paves the way for cravings to become even stronger. You may need a combination of strategies in order to stave off cravings. Or, you may need to find something entirely different. Not every coping strategy is listed here. And, not every strategy or coping mechanism works for everyone. If it were that easy, cravings would be completely
eliminated.

Also, give yourself the credit you deserve. As you may have heard many times in your 12-step meetings, it isn’t the fact that cravings occur – it’s what you choose to do about them. You’ve been successful in the past, and you will be again. Do what works for you and keep at it. Who knows? You may create a new method of working through cravings that you can teach others. How great is that?

This Too, Will Pass

If you believe in a higher power, or are convinced of the power of the self, you know that you will not be given more burdens than you can handle. If time heals all wounds, time also allows current cravings and urges to pass. Make it through this time of temporary uncertainty and temptation, knowing that you will emerge stronger on the other side. You will also be more self-confident about dealing with such issues should they arise again in the future.
 

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Stressors That Trigger Relapse

Posted on May 17, 2010 in Recovery

Relapse often occurs to those in recovery, but it is not automatic – and it is preventable. In fact, relapse prevention training is generally included in the final phase of active treatment before the client is released from the program. But, just because you may have had relapse prevention modules doesn’t mean that you have absorbed all you need to in order to ward off relapse. Just as each addict has a unique set of circumstances leading to his or her addiction, and treatment is tailored to best match the individual’s wants and needs, each person in recovery will face numerous stressors, pressures, cravings and cues, that may trigger relapse.

Some stressors, while they may be experienced to a different degree, are somewhat universal. To the extent that the recovering addict falls prey to the stressors and slips into relapse very much depends on how well prepared he or she is to handle the challenges and obstacles that occur – especially in early recovery.

What are some of the most common stressors and, beyond merely identifying them, what can be done about them? Read on.

Unemployment

Once an addict completes treatment and attempts to resume a normal life, one of the first stressors likely to be encountered is job-related. If the individual goes from treatment directly to a sober living home or halfway house, there may be assistance available to help the person transition from active treatment phase to resumption of normal living. A strong component of the transition phase is training in communication skills, how to present oneself for an employment interview, filling out a job application, writing a resume, and, possibly training to open up new employment opportunities.

Some recovering addicts do not go to a halfway house but return directly home. They attempt to pick up where they left off in their job, if they still have one. For some, their job is no longer there, or they were fired or quit as a result of their addiction. Being unemployed is a huge blow to the recovering addict, who now has to face the prospect of finding new employment while trying to negotiate a mountain of accumulated past-due bills, medical expenses, family obligations, and the like.

Add to the pressure the fact that the person may have been the family’s sole provider, and unemployment may become a primary trigger that results in relapse.

If you are a recovering addict and have no job, seek help in getting back into the work world. Use the resources available to you in your 12-step groups such as job fairs, job training, communications training, and financial aid to go back to school, and the like. Your 12-step sponsor and other group members may also be able to recommend programs in the local community that can help. Many alumni members have strong ties to such programs and are more than willing to help out fellow members get back on their feet.

Ask for help – and be willing to accept it. After all, your support system is going to be bedrock of your ongoing recovery. And everyone needs to have gainful employment in order to secure a satisfying and rewarding future.

The Enablers: Family, Friends and Co-Workers

If the family members have not also participated in treatment – such as family treatment programs – the individual in recovery is returning to the same environment he or she left prior to treatment. Family members may become enablers to the person in recovery. They help the addict avoid the consequences of his or her addiction, or they make it easier for the recovering addict to pick up their addictive behaviors that they thought they had left behind.

The same enabling stressors can occur with close friends and co-workers, people with whom the recovering addict spent time engaged in unhealthy and addictive behaviors.

Not everyone in the family will have the same reaction to attending family treatment – if they even went. They may mean well – enablers usually do – but they inadvertently spark or trigger stress that results in the recovering addict’s resumption of the addiction.

How can you help prevent the enabling of family, friends and co-workers? Start by listing ways to avoid relapsing that may be triggered by the actions of these people. You can’t prepare a coping strategy if you don’t have options available to you. Again, don’t try to figure this out on your own. Talk it over with your 12-step sponsor, fellow group members, your therapist or counselor in continuing care or aftercare (if these are part of your overall treatment plan), or an independent therapist trained in recovery strategies.

Economic Downturn and Financial Problems

When money is tight, everything becomes a potential stressor that may trigger relapse. Economic downturns make the recovering addict’s personal situation worse in that there is less perceived help available – either financial, job-related, skills training, and continuing counseling or support.

Foreclosures, bankruptcy, maxed-out credit cards, depleted checking and savings accounts, unpaid bills and past-due notices, collection demands, lawsuits, fines, legal fees and so on can mount up to the point where the individual in recovery sees no way out. Why not resort to the bottle or downing pills or injecting, inhaling, gambling, etc. as a means to cope with the economic calamity? While that’s certainly one way to look at it – escape – as always, the escape is only temporary. The economic problems of the recovering addict, mirroring the downturn in the economy, will still be there. They may even become worse. Thus, the escape is not only a delay tactic of facing the inevitable – it is also worthless as a solution. It simply doesn’t work.
You can’t ignore the economic downturn or your own personal financial situation. So, how can you deal with a worsening economic situation without resorting to relapse?

• First, don’t allow things to pile up or get to the point where you feel you don’t have any hope of coming out from under. Seek the help of a financial advisor – perhaps one of the resources available to you in your 12-step group or a program you can be referred to in the community.

• Work with your creditors to arrange a graduated payment plan, reduced payments, loan modification program, or the like. Creditors want their money, but some money negotiated in advance is better than no money at all. Generally speaking, they will be willing to work with you to create a repayment plan or schedule. You need to at least give this option a try. It will go a long way toward helping reduce the economic stressor that could otherwise do you in.

• Recognize that the economy goes through regular upturns and downturns. The cyclical nature of the economy is such that one usually follows the other. While this may not be comforting when you’re drowning in debt, it at least lets you acknowledge that you will probably be able to overcome your financial and economic difficulties at some point in the future.

• Take a tip from financial planners and organize, pare, and prioritize. Sort bills according to due dates, amount due, and prioritize according to most important. These include your mortgage or monthly rent, car and insurance payments, utilities, food, and recurring medical expenses. Eliminate all but essential expenses – at least until you’re back on solid financial ground. When you get back to work, set up an automatic deduction for the high-priority obligations (mortgage payment, car payment, etc.) from your checking account. This will ensure that there are no late payments and you won’t be tempted to spend the money instead of taking care of those bills. Just be sure that you deduct that amount from your check register so that you don’t overdraw your account – and incur overdraft fees.

Loss of a Loved One

Your biggest support will come from your loved ones – your spouse or partner, your immediate family. When you lose a loved one, however, your entire world is thrown into turmoil. You are at great jeopardy of relapse, as the loss of a loved one is one of life’s traumatic stressors that do the most damage. This is true of nearly every human being, but even more so in the case of those in recovery whose emotional state and ability to overcome cravings and urges is so fragile.

Where you once had the constant presence, love, encouragement and support of your loved one is now a gaping hole. You feel the pain as if it were a physical wound. Nothing cuts the pain – except going back to your addictive ways. This is a common trap that recovering addicts often fall into. They feel that there is no way out except to go back to a coping mechanism they’re familiar with – their addiction.

How do you survive the loss of a loved one without having it trigger relapse? This is a tough situation. There’s no getting around that fact. Platitudes about time healing all wounds will bounce right off you – as they do to most persons in the first stages of bereavement. People utter those words because they don’t know what else to say, and it is also true that time will help ease the pain. But, right now, that probably won’t do you any good.

What you can do to keep yourself on the straight and narrow road to recovery is to surround yourself with others who understand your situation, your addiction, the tremendous desire to escape your pain by succumbing to your addiction. Step up your participation in 12-step meetings. Go every day or several times a day if that will help. Ask for a referral to a grief counselor or participate in online grief counseling meetings, blogs or chat rooms. Ask your doctor for assistance in finding some help for you to cope with your grief.

Other tips to help you in your time of bereavement include:

• Spend time with friends. – Don’t sit at home alone and allow yourself to wallow in self-pity or remorse.

• Stay active. – Get involved in physical activity, exercise, sports, recreational activity, intellectual pursuits, going out to entertainment venues.

• Find solace in spiritual comfort. – Whatever your religious background or spiritual inclination, many persons in recovery find comfort in seeking the assistance of a higher power to help them weather this very emotionally-draining time. Prayer may work for you, or meditation, or going to church or contemplating the power of the universe. Listening to motivational and inspirational tapes may be helpful, or reading books on overcoming grief, especially those that are available through addiction recovery websites.

• Take it one day at a time. – This often-repeated mantra really does work. You can’t expect that you’ll have all the answers for all the days ahead, but you can do everything you can to engage in positive behaviors today. Be sure that you take care of yourself, including eating properly, getting enough sleep, and tending to your physical and emotional needs. Cut yourself some slack as well. You don’t have to be perfect, and there’s no timetable that you need to adhere to in terms of when you’ll start to heal from the loss of your loved one.

Daily Routine

Going back home after treatment often means the recovering addict is subjected to the same daily routine they encountered prior to rehab. In fact, addiction may have become part of the daily routine, something the addict automatically did at certain times. It could have been a certain time of day, such as after work, after eating, before and during smoking a cigarette, on pay day.

Identify what these daily routine stressors are that most likely will trigger relapse and then design ways to modify your behavior so that you don’t fall victim to them.

Stressful Relationships

A big trigger to relapse involves stress in relationships. When the recovering addict returns home following treatment, the loved ones are the first people he interacts with. At first, there may be underlying tension, apprehension, even fear, as family members tiptoe around the returning addict. Things may be left unsaid, or, on the opposite spectrum, too much may be said. Arguments may occur, becoming heated. The threat of physical violence may loom as tensions escalate.

Anticipating the kinds of relationships that may be stressful, or the types of situations that may provoke stress in the relationship also means that you need to develop ways to overcome the stress. Individual and group counseling can assist in defusing the tension, help ameliorate the stress, and put you back on track toward repairing the family relationships.
There are times when you may need to take a break from the family – or vice versa. Things may have become so frayed, the relationship so tenuous, that a temporary split is advisable. Don’t take this as an indictment of your recovery. It is what it is. Everybody may need time to learn how to deal with these new circumstances – your recovery – and to learn how they play a part in helping your recovery along (or not).

If your family relationships are a contributing part of your addiction, either they get counseling and change – or you need to remove yourself from the surroundings. Each situation is different, and each solution needs to be worked out with the best interests of all concerned. Don’t attempt to figure it out on your own. Talk with your continuing care counselor, your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members. Encourage your family members to participate in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon or the family portion of whatever 12-step group you attend. Almost every 12-step group has a family component – and there are many resources available to you and your family members through such groups. Make use of them.

Testing Yourself by Trying to Meet Old Challenges

Just because a person has gone through treatment for addiction, learned a few coping strategies, listened to a few lectures on relapse prevention, doesn’t mean he or she is well-equipped to waltz back into their old life and resume the kind of lifestyle that previously contributed to addiction. Some persons in recovery seek to test their ability to withstand the urge to use by hanging out with old drinking buddies or going to bars, clubs, or hangouts. This often leads to relapse – and is an unnecessary and totally preventable risk.

Don’t put yourself in that position. Recognize that you cannot hang out with former drinking or using friends. There is no such thing as just stopping by to say hello or drinking coffee or soft drinks while your pals down shots and beer. It won’t last. Before your mind even recognizes that you are going to do it, the chemicals in your brain will have been activated by the sights and sounds and smells (the triggers) – and you will pick up a drink. No, you won’t want to, and you will do it despite your best intentions not to. The only way to avoid this is to stay away from the people, places and things that will prompt those urges.

Internal Stressors

Monitoring your emotions is a good way to help avoid the stressors that may trigger relapse. Think about how your body feels when you experience cravings and urges. When you do experience them, what kinds of emotions do you encounter?

Common stressor feelings include:

• Anger

• Anxiety

• Boredom

• Depression

• Fatigue

• Fear

• Frustration

• Loneliness

• Indifference

• Sadness

• Self-pity

• Shame

• Suicidal thoughts

• Other feelings

How do you deal with these emotional stressors that may trigger relapse? Talk over what you can do with your 12-step sponsor, your counselor, and your loved ones. Work out a strategy that encompasses each of them. Make a list of concrete things you can do to get your mind off the negative emotion before you find yourself giving into the cravings and urges to use.

Preventing Relapse is Up to You

Preventing relapse requires knowledge and awareness of triggers and cues. Once you’ve identified the risky situations, toxic emotions, worked out all the potential stressors that could catapult you into relapse, the rest is up to you. Ask yourself the following two questions:

Am I willing to do something about it?

What am I willing to do?

Then, do it – making sure that you avail yourself of all the resources and help that are available to you. Will it be easy? No, it probably won’t be. Some days will be more difficult than others. But, over time, you will become stronger, more self-confident, and more capable of addressing the stressors that come your way – without triggering a relapse.
 

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Anxiety during Withdrawal from Cocaine

Posted on April 12, 2010 in Recovery

Relapse is common among those struggling to overcome an addiction to cocaine. Besides the physical ailments associated with discontinuing use of a drug, often psychological factors cause the drug user to be susceptible to a relapse.

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What If You Really Hate Yourself – and Your Addiction?

Posted on April 5, 2010 in Recovery

When you rise up out of your stupor or take a brief hiatus from your compulsive behavior long enough to look at your face in the mirror, what do you see? At some point, it is likely that you will have to choke back your revulsion at the image that stares back at you. No, you’re not a Frankenstein. It isn’t necessarily physical changes that give rise to such loathing – although that may be part of it. The source of your anguish is self-hatred. If you’re currently in this position, you want to know what you can do about your self-hatred and your addiction.

Don’t worry. There are answers.

The Good News and the Bad News

Looking at addiction and recovery is a case of good news and bad news. The first is the good news. Hating yourself and your addiction is one of the initial stages on the road to recovery. How can hatred be a good thing? It isn’t the hatred itself that is good, but the fact that you’ve gotten to the point where you recognize that your past actions and addictive behavior have caused so much hurt to yourself and others.

Addicts often have a very difficult time accepting that they are, in fact, addicts. Denial of the problem is the first hurdle to overcome, and once you’re past denying it, the reality of your situation sets in. This paves the way for self-hatred. Look at it this way. You can’t overcome your addiction until you go through the work required.

And it’s tough work, make no mistake about it. That’s the bad news.

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How to Conquer the Fear of Relapse

Posted on April 1, 2010 in Recovery

Relapse is not a four-letter word. That said, there is a lot of trepidation and many questions over the possibility of relapse – will it happen to me, what can I do to prevent it, will it happen again, does it mean I’m a failure, and so on. Addiction treatment professionals counsel that the best way to get past these fears is through education and skills training. Simply put, you need to learn as much as possible about relapse and coping mechanisms to help you prevent it.

Beyond what you learn in treatment, once you’re back in the real world, it may seem tough at times to remember what it is you’re supposed to do to remain clean and sober. Here are some tips that may help.

1. Have a Plan – for Every Day – You wouldn’t set off on a cross-country journey without a map and an itinerary for how to get there and what to do along the way. The same principle holds true for how you plan to live the next few years of your life in recovery. Hey, it’s a whole new world for you now. The old habits and routines simply won’t cut it anymore. Not only are they dangerous and can quickly land you back in trouble, but it’s just foolhardy not to have a plan. If you have been tardy in drawing up your plan, now’s the time to get going on it.

Where should you begin? Start with today. What are your goals for today? What do you want to achieve? It could be as simple as being on time for all your appointments, your job, seeing that you get all your errands done, make dinner for the family, work on your homework or hobby, whatever. The point is to put it down on paper. Jot everything down you can think of and then start prioritizing according to what’s most important to get done and what would be nice to get done. Go all the way through the list until you’ve assigned a priority to each item.

Next, map out your plan for tomorrow, and then the rest of the week. Don’t worry if you can’t think of everything to put down all at once. This will get easier the more you do it. And you can add items as you think of them. Also, remember to cross things off your list as you complete them. This is important as it builds your self-esteem and self-confidence as you reach your goals, however minor or major.

Now, get to work on doing the things on your list. Time management experts advise that it’s tempting to go for the easiest items, leaving the tougher ones for last. That may work for some people, but most of us waste our time doing the small stuff and never get to the big jobs. Even though we’re talking about recovery here, the point is valid. Try to balance doing easy tasks – cleaning your desk, picking up supplies – with the more challenging ones – assembling materials for tax returns, painting the garage, etc.

2. Acknowledge Relapse Could Happen – There’s no sense hiding behind a wall of denial. You can’t avoid a relapse by refusing to recognize that the potential is there, and it’s real. Experts recommend that you acknowledge that you could falter, give in to a craving or fall in with the wrong crowd again. Just acknowledge that relapse could happen despite your best intentions. Just because you say it aloud (or think it) does not mean that it will happen. Just the contrary. By stating that you know the potential is there gives you the power to be more in control over your actions. Remember, it isn’t the thought that causes relapse, but the action that follows. By expressing the truth – relapse could happen – you deprive the thought of the power to haunt you and make you feel as if you can’t do anything about it. You can, and you will, be able to deal with the pitfalls of relapse.

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Beating the Blues in Recovery

Posted on March 30, 2010 in Recovery

Let’s face it. Sometimes you just feel blue and there seems to be no way out of it. This is especially disheartening for those in recovery and, specifically, for those in the early stage of recovery. So, what are you supposed to do, just relegate yourself to unending unhappiness and reduced expectations? No, there are some strategies you can – and should – employ to help beat the blues in recovery.

Resolve to Get Unstuck

Without going into too much in-depth analysis at this point, it’s important to recognize that what you’re feeling is a logjam of emotions. Think about it. So much has happened in recent months – including completing treatment for a problem with substance abuse or addictive behavior, getting back on track with your life, attempting to resurrect your relationships with significant others, friends, and co-workers – that you feel overwhelmed. And the truth of the matter is that you have every right to feel this way. In other words, it is perfectly normal to be a bit bewildered and floored over all the intense emotions that are coming to the surface right now.

Okay, so it’s normal to feel overwhelmed by your emotions. Now what should you do? Experts in recovery strategies say that it’s important to recognize this emotional turmoil for what it is, but not to dwell on it. Simply acknowledge that it is there in your thoughts, and then resolve to do whatever you need to in order to get unstuck. You will learn techniques and tips that will help unblock this logjam of negative and conflicting emotions and be able to move on with your life.

Tell yourself: “I know I feel stuck right now emotionally. I am experiencing (anger, fear, depression, hostility, bitterness, sadness, loss, etc.) at the present, but I am going to take steps to get past this. I will not allow negative emotions to block my progress in recovery.”

Master Your Emotions Through Balance

What happens when you feel an intense negative emotion is that the feeling takes over your life. Sometimes this lasts only for a short period of time, but very often, if you don’t deal with it, the emotions ball up into a mental roadblock that prohibits any outward constructive action on your part. Think of the image of a teeter-totter. All the negative emotion concentrates on one end of the teeter-totter, leaving the other end hanging in space, unable to go anywhere. There needs to be a balance between the positive and negative emotions so that, much like the teeter-totter, movement can occur.

Why is balance so important? Why shouldn’t you be positive all the time? Life is a series of challenges. Not everything that happens in life is positive. That doesn’t mean that you give up and say that there’s nothing you can do about a situation, say, your cravings keep recurring and you might as well give into them, since they won’t go away. That’s a cop-out, a weasel’s way of avoiding responsibility. Yes, bad things do happen. Yes, cravings to drink, to use, gamble, or engage in other addictive behavior do occur. But you don’t have to give into them. You don’t have to allow them to take over and control your life. You do need to balance the negative emotions with positive ones. This may take some practice in order for it to come naturally, but it is very doable.

Here’s how. When you have a negative thought – let’s take craving as an example – recognize that it is just that, a craving. Then, instead of wallowing in it and torturing yourself over how you’ll be able to avoid giving into the craving, do this: think of something else. You may have a photo on your wall or desk or wallet of some place or someone special. Concentrate on the positive emotions that looking at this photo brings to your consciousness. Imagine you are there in the photo, at the place, with the special person. What will you do or say? In effect, you’re indulging in a daydream, a bit of a fantasy – with one exception. There is something you can do about it. You can make plans to bring your daydream or fantasy into reality. Even if the photo is of a far-off place on the other side of the world, or of someone you love who is no longer in your life (through divorce, separation, or death), you can make the moment real in your mind now. You can change the negative emotion brought about by the craving to a positive emotion you create through thoughtful intention.

There are other ways to help bring about emotional balance. One of the best ones is laughter. At this point, I’d say don’t laugh, but the idea is to get you to laugh. There is a lot of merit to the benefits of laughter on the emotions. Did you know that you use every muscle when you laugh? Your entire body gets a mini-workout with a good belly laugh. But even smiles work your facial muscles, curving your lips in an upward direction (positive emotion) and changing the dynamic of your emotions. You can’t force laughter, you object? Of course you can’t force it. That isn’t the point. But you can find small things to smile about. Take the photograph just mentioned. That makes you smile. You can also rent a funny DVD or go to see a comedy at the multiplex with a good friend. Go on the Internet to joke sites or buy a joke book and start reading through it. You’d be amazed at how easy it is to start finding the comic side of things once you start seeing the joy in life – and practicing it. And, in this case, practice means you’ll get better at it.

You will be able to balance out the negative emotions with positive ones. And balance in your emotions is crucial to being able to move forward in your recovery. It’s a great way to beat the blues.

Learn How to Achieve Success

Another reason that people in recovery get bogged down in the blues is that they can’t see how they’ll be able to achieve success. Let’s look at this in a little more depth. You may have a roadmap that you created with your counselor or therapist during treatment. Right now, the goals may seem totally unreachable. When you feel that you have no possibility of ever achieving your stated goals, this tends to beat you down, to mire you in the blues. What’s really going on, however, is that you haven’t thoroughly worked through the steps you need to take, in succession, in order to achieve success.

To get from where you are today to the goal you set for yourself five years from now, for example, involves taking certain steps. Sometimes the steps are lateral instead of a vertical progression. You may wish to become a manager in a different department where you work, but you can’t expect to just transfer to the new position without first learning more about the job, obtaining necessary training, perhaps beginning at the same level where you are currently and going through a kind of on-the-job training. It may take some period of time before you are ready to assume the managerial role in the new area. So you’ll need to take a lateral move and then proceed to acquire the necessary knowledge and experience in order to move up.

Another important point to make about learning how to achieve success is that success isn’t always about a straight line. Sometimes you stay at a plateau for a while before you achieve your goal. Take learning a new language. You don’t just start off with a book and know how to speak and write the language fluently by the end of the book. Mastering a new language takes time, sometimes years. Avoid becoming depressed over your lack of fluency by celebrating accomplishments along the way. In the beginning, it’s all new, confusing, and a bit strange. The more you study the language, however, the more the light bulb of understanding begins to shine. You start to recognize phrases, then sentences, then entire paragraphs – or you can understand and reciprocate in entire conversations. In other words, you are slowly gaining mastery over the language. You are achieving your goal.

Take stock of your goals. Maybe you need to insert some intermediate steps that you need to take in your path toward achieving those goals. You are beginning to understand how to achieve your goals. This, in itself, will help you beat the blues in recovery. When you lack sufficient knowledge – it’s a scary prospect. Filling the gap with concrete actions to take means that you are building your knowledge bank.

Know When It’s Time to Move Forward

Everyone has a comfort zone, a place where they feel no need to make any changes. You’ve heard of the person who stays in the same position for years on end. Some might say the person lacks ambition when, in reality, it may be that they are in their own comfort zone and just don’t feel like moving forward. Others look at a person in that position as being stuck in a dead-end job. Such is not the fate for them. They prefer to be constantly moving forward.

When you allow yourself to be immobilized by the blues in recovery, you are like the person who is stuck. You’re in a comfort zone, in a manner of speaking, in that this is something you recognize. It’s at least something you’re familiar with, something that’s happened before. Getting past the negative emotions means you might have to take a risk. But – and this is very important – you need to take the risk in order to be successful in recovery. Sure, moving forward can be a little intimidating. You don’t know if you’ll like the situation once you achieve your goals. But, guess what? You can always change them. In fact, the beauty of making goals is that your list should always be evolving. Once you achieve the more immediate or short-term goals – such as being clean and sober for a week, a month, six months, a year, or getting a job to help pay the bills, or going back to school to resume your quest for a degree – you add more goals. The idea is to build upon those goals that mean something to you, or to make entirely new goals as new opportunities present themselves. And this is bound to happen. Life isn’t static. It’s about choices, always new choices.

Think how you felt when you first decided to enter treatment. You didn’t know what was going to happen. It was very frightening and you may have even been afraid you wouldn’t be able to go through it. But you made the decision to move forward, to do something constructive to overcome your addiction. That was a pivotal moment, the point at which you knew it was time to move forward. Being in recovery and beating the blues involves the same kind of recognition.

Those who are successful in recovery sometime refer to this as the “Aha!” moment. This is when it all starts to make sense. You know you don’t want to go back to wallowing in your sorrows and perhaps falling into relapse. Instead of looking back, you are now looking forward. You know it’s time to move forward.

Tend to Nutrition and Exercise

It is funny how often we all take the human body for granted. We go about our daily lives, worrying about this or that, and fail to take into account the fact that our bodies and our minds require nutrition and exercise in order to function optimally. The recommendations for eating healthy seem to go in one ear and out the other when in reality they are a perfectly sound prescription for healthy living.

Get your recommended daily servings of fresh fruits and vegetables. Include whole grains in your diet. Drink plenty of water to keep your body hydrated. Avoid saturated fats, too much red meat, excessive salt intake, and empty calories. It doesn’t take an advanced degree to figure out how to eat healthier, but if you have any doubts about how a particular eating regimen can benefit you, ask your doctor, nurse, or nutritionist. Buy a book on healthy eating. Start watching the cooking shows and see how the chefs prepare balanced, healthy and delicious meals. Then, start doing the same thing for you and your family.

Along with nutrition comes the need for adequate exercise. America doesn’t have to be a nation of fatties, or people who sit more than they walk, ride when they should be moving about, or people who consume more than they can reasonably use. Get up off the couch, the chair, and go for a walk. Play ball with the kids. Join a neighborhood or community team to play a sport – basketball, baseball, hockey, for example. Invite your friends or co-workers to go skiing, tubing, whitewater rafting, camping, hiking, fishing or some other recreational activity. Make exercise a vital part of your schedule.

Two things happen when you exercise regularly. One, your body creates natural feel-good chemicals called endorphins. These help lift your mood and make things seem more manageable. Two, your body begins to find homeostasis. Your heart, lungs, and vital organs function better. You build muscle tone, stamina – you may even lose weight or trim unnecessary inches from various parts of your torso. When your body and mind benefit from exercise – regular, vigorous exercise 3 to 5 days a week for a minimum of 30 minutes to 1 hour at a time – you won’t be finding yourself stuck in the blues.

Boost Your Mental Clarity

Another way to beat the blues in recovery is to stimulate and challenge your mind. There are any numbers of ways to do this. You can enroll in classes to learn a hobby or subject that always interested you. You could do crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or mind game challenges on a regular basis. Play Scrabble or other word games with your family and friends.

Learn how to play a musical instrument. An intellectually stimulating job can also keep your mind alert and boost mental clarity.
Stay up-to-date on what’s happening in the world by reading the daily newspapers. You can read the stories online if you don’t take the newspapers – and it’s free. Reading different kinds of books – novels, mysteries, adventure, and history – can expose you to new worlds and stimulate your mind.

And exercise, which has already been mentioned as necessary for overall health, can also help boost your mental clarity.
Even a good debate with a friend can jumpstart your mental clarity. Instead of stagnating, your mind is constantly working to form arguments and counterarguments. It is stimulating, and beneficial to mental clarity. It’s also fun.

Join With a Friend

Sometimes the best way to beat the blues in recovery is to do so with the support and encouragement of a trusted friend. This is not to say that you’re indulging in your woes by going over them with your buddy, but that you are sharing time with a friend and getting your mind off your negative and counterproductive thoughts. Your friend may be someone you’ve known and trusted for years, or it could be someone new that you’ve met, perhaps at a 12-step support group. Who your friend is doesn’t matter, as long as you have complete trust and enjoy spending time with him or her. Be sure to give of yourself freely to your friend. That means that you are willing to listen and offer your support and encouragement in return.

Two friends in recovery can help each other immensely – beating the blues, moving forward, becoming successful in reaching goals.

Whatever steps work best for you, employ them. Find what really motivates you and move forward. In the end, beating the blues will no longer be the time-consuming task it may seem like now. In fact, you’ll be such a pro at beating the blues that you won’t give it much thought. It will be second-nature. Life in recovery is all about possibilities. Get out and explore yours now.
 

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What If Your Loved Ones Cannot Forgive Your Addiction

What If Your Loved Ones Cannot Forgive Your Addiction

Posted on March 16, 2010 in Featured, Recovery

Coming back from the cycle of addiction is a long and tough road. Not only does it take a lot of courage and determination, but it’s physically and mentally taxing as well. When you’ve finished your treatment and are in recovery, you really need the love, support and encouragement of your loved ones to help you maintain your sobriety. So what happens if your loved ones cannot forgive your addiction? What if there’s so much weight in your baggage that they can’t look beyond the past?

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Managing Risk for Victims of Domestic Violence in Substance Recovery

Posted on March 2, 2010 in Recovery

Substance treatment and recovery present many difficulties and high-risk events for addicted victims of domestic violence. Some of these are:

• Entry into treatment — women may be manipulated into leaving treatment by coercive partners. Women may also be prevented from entering treatment by coercive partners.

• Detox — trauma symptoms surface more acutely without substance use and during the stress of withdrawal. This may prompt the woman to leave substance treatment abruptly while in a debilitated state thus increasing her vulnerability to violence.

• Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome — women may become more vulnerable to violence due to the impairments of early abstinence that make keeping a safety plan difficult.

• Retaliation for “leaving”– battering partners may perceive treatment and sobriety as threatening and escalate code version and abuse in order to punish their partners for participating in recovery efforts.

• Family participation in treatment — batterers may intimidate during visits and meetings at treatment programs and gain “ammunition” for future abuse from therapy sessions or contact with treatment providers.

• Punishment for recovery relationships — batterers may intensify coercion and abuse in order to isolate partners from developing relationships in recovery communities.

• Using the stigma of substance treatment as a weapon of control and abuse — an example is threatening to use a woman’s substance treatment history in a child custody conflict.

• Withholding of supports — batterers may withhold child care or financial support, for example, while their partners are in substance treatment.

• Continued coercion and abuse trigger substance relapse and make successful abstinence very difficult for many victims of domestic violence.

• Batterers may coerce substance use to gain more control over recovering partners.

• Enhanced empowerment of victims in recovery may trigger escalated control and power tactics of batterers and decrease overall safety.

• Regular attendance and travel to community support groups may leave certain victims at risk for stalking, surveillance and assault.

Victims of intimate partner violence will need to incorporate safety planning into their substance recovery efforts. Some of the ways this can be done are by:

• informing treatment providers of victimization and ongoing risk
• providing identifying information and a photo of the batterer to treatment providers, treatment center personnel and recovery support people
• creating an exit plan for safety at treatment programs and support groups
• enlisting the help of recovering supports in advance in case an emergency exit plan must be implemented in treatment or at meetings
• asking treatment providers to restrict the batterer’s access by phone, visits or participation in treatment sessions
• securing appropriate restraining orders and consistently reporting violations to authorities
• entering into shelters that provide domestic violence safety while continuing substance treatment and recovery efforts

Victims of domestic violence must work simultaneously to establish safety and sobriety. Both issues are intricately intertwined and failure to attend to one of these issues will sabotage recovery efforts made to deal with the other.

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